Day 201: It's Karm-plicated

Aha:
You know how every once and a while you have those trips to the bathroom where you think, I need to go to the bathroom.  I think I'll get up and mosey on over to relieve myself.?  However, as soon as you get headed to the bathroom you start to panic thinking, Oh my gosh!  I HAVE to go to the bathroom and I don't know if I'm going to make it!!  Well, I had one of those experiences today.  I realized I had to go and the moment I realized it--the urgency to go intensified to the point of HOPING I would make it to the bathroom!  I literally was walking down the hallway at working thinking, It's gonna happen.  I'm actually going to poo my pants at work!  How am I ever going to show my face here again?  I'm going to lose my job, we won't have any money and I'm going to be known as "The Girl Who Pooped Her Pants"!
Well, fortunately, there is a God and I prayed like I never prayed before and I made it to the bathroom!  I even had time to wipe down the seat before sitting!  A true, modern-day miracle!

Ha ha:
Clinton bought me some enormous apples (no, that is not an innuendo for "boob job").  They are delicious (Golden Delicious...apples, that is).  Anyway, right after I had taken two bites Peter started crying for me to feed him.  I took myself and my giant apple over to the bin where we keep his food.  I must have done something very bad today because karma crept in and my apple fell out of my hands and into the dog food.  I turned around to see Clinton smiling and shaking his head side to side.  I reached into the bag, took the kibble that was stuck to it and tossed it to Peter as I assessed my barely chewed apple.
I could just rinse it off.  Although, I should probably get a new one.  I mean, what would people think of me if they knew I'd eaten an apple that fell into dog food? 
I walked over to the sink, turned on the faucet and rinsed my apple.  After another moment of inspection I took a bite.  And then another and another until all that was left of that giant dog-food-fallen apple was the core...Don't judge me.
***
Just after finishing the above, Clinton took his pen and wrote on my forearm.  "Hey!", I said, "What was that for?"  He laughed, and then I laughed because karma snuck in on him too.  As he was laughing he went to triumphantly click the cap on his highlighter, only it wasn't there and ended up drawing on himself instead!  Ha ha!  Serves him right, the turkey!